Sunday, 18 January 2009


Morning gang!
Tis I the Podgy poof. Guess what? The sun's shining today, its still bloody cold but to feel it on your face is blissssssss. 
We've booked flights to pop over to Spain for 10 days, can you believe 2 return flights for well under £100....... ACE! I think this is the longest we've ever gone without going to our little house and we're both suffering from severe withdrawal symptoms.

So what have I been up to? Eff all. This poxy credit crunch continues to eat into our lives as Phil's job's dire at the moment. No one, I repeat NO ONE is using his services, he's working longer hours for under half his normal pay. I'd love to get all the worlds bankers and put them up against the wall and shoot the Mother F'rs, I'm sure I'm not alone here. 
For those of you who don't know Cockney rhyming slang, a merchant banker is slang for something else here, think about it, what rhymes with banker?........... Yup you got it and thats, what I call the worlds bankers ;-)

We're looking after our neighbours cat while they're away for the weekend, his names Elvis. He's a cute thing, yeah Ok Mary and Holly, I know I ain't too keen on cat's but he's kinda cute and he's a boy cat so he's mischievous. 
So what does he do today while I am preparing his breakie? He does the most enormous shit I have ever seen right on the floor in front of me. Not in his toilet, RIGHT ON THE FLOOR!! I swear if I didn't see him do it I would have thought it was a human turd, it was as long as yer arm and as thick as yer wrist! He must have been holding the thing in for a week and thinks yeah the old poof across the streets looking after me next week end, I'll  make the Mutha scream! And scream I did. The smell of cat food and shit at 7.30 in the morning is NOT a good combination. He would have had my toe up his arse if he hadn't just crapped. I just didn't want anything on the end of my big toe!

Hmmmm, what a thing to talk about on yer blog huh? Oh dear, my second cup of coffee's starting to work, off for my morning constitution. Byeeeeeeeee PP xxxx


LYN said...




Leigh said...

Oh, thanks for the morning laughs!
Cats can be contrary critters, maybe he was trying to impress you!

Enjoy your hideaway! Soak up some sun for me!

:) Leigh

ps-I'm a "lady", I don't get *gas* in front of other people. ;)

Anonymous said...

Ha. You cat hater :-). When I got your Christmas card, I showed it to Briege and said: This man let his cat fall off his balcony. You'd better appreciate how protective I am of you!
Briege, who believes life experience is worth everything, was not impressed.
Do the cat owners know about your cat history? Does the cat? Maybe that is why he s**t in front of you. I can almost see the mischievous glint in his eye.

Missie said...

I think the cat was leaving you a present! LOL

Enjoy your day.

Yasmin said...

What have you been feeding that poor

Great your off to Spain bit of winter sun is what you need, i'm going next month at some point.

Credit crunch is a bitch it's biting everyone, sorry to hear the man is not doing so well.

Take care


Amy said...

My cats haven't crapped in front of me, but they've thrown up. I'm like 'seriously? try not to gift me so much.' uch...

Maybe kitty needed his litter box cleaned? Some cats won't go in the litter box if it's not cleaned frequently...

Anonymous said...

I agree with you on the bankers. Our bank is sooooo crooked and so ruthless. We're having a legal battle with ours at the moment. UGH! Don't know how much longer we can hang on though. Cats...another UGH! :)

Allison said...

I think I will refrain from comment on the last paragraph. LOL Sorry to hear that Phil's job is a bit precarious but things will get better, but it will take some time. You can come to CA for some beautiful sunny and warm weather. It's been like Summer here. Have a happy week ahead. Luv ya!

Woody said...

ROFLMAO!! Now that last paragraph cheered me up!! I can't stand the smell of me own farts untill I've had that first cup of coffee!!!!

You did a fine thing babysitting the cat!!!!!!

Rose said...

hee hee cats sure do know how to pay a person back! btw I have 4! My children fear when I get to be an old lady I'll have cats hanging all over me!

Marty said...

Hi Gaz,
Yikes ... I hope you let the cat's owner know what her little bundle of joy did on your floor. I suspect it was "on purpose."

Marie said...

Oh you do make me laugh Gaz! I love cats meself, but our dog doesn't so we don't have one. I am so envious of you being able to escape over to Spain and for such a good price as well!! Lucky you! I hope you both have a wonderful time. Like Leigh said, soak up some sun for me too!!

Indigo said...

Trust me cat doo, is easier to clean up and deal with than, cat gack. That slimey, hairy, oh holy mother what the hell did you eat trial. Careful the cunning ones know just were you plan on stepping in your bare feet. Hey, I'm not the one that brought up the ewww...subject matter *winks*. (Hugs)Indigo

emikk said...

To put a possitive spin on it, when you were dealing with the cat's moment of indignity I'm sure it kept your mind of the economic collapse and the mutha fletching bankers!

Cathy said...

Yer right they're all wankers those rich slimy bastards. I empathize bigtime. Esp in this country, where everyone's been asleep since 1990. Hey as for cat excrement, as with any other, the more the better as they say (who's they?) No really - it means there's nothing sticking to the cat's intestine walls - which is always a nice thing to know eh? Works with humans too.

Angie said...

L O Gaz! Never owned a cat so don't know how their poo is supposed to be. Always had dogs though so well versed in dog poo in all its forms. Puppy poo is the worst as it's always sloppy, copious and stinky and sticks like chewing gum to carpets. Middle-aged dogs usually have better manners and do their biz outside in big firm lumps that are easy to clear away. Mind you, I have often thought that if some enterprising person made a CO2 ice gun that you could freeze sloppy poos with (or sick, come to that)he would make a fortune. Ref to Phil!

There now, if that hasn't put you off your tea, nothing will!
love, Angie, xx

Toon said...

Missed you, Limey!


marti said...

well, my darling boy, what a crappy entry! I personally like the bad economy. I've always been poor, now everyone is just like me, I 'm a trendsetter!

Gillie said...

I love your blog! Never gonna know what you are going to talk about! You went from crappy economy, bankers, wankers and crappy cat turds. Way to come full circle! :)

Londonpussycat said...

LOLOLOLOL...........Oh Gaz......... you do know how to make a girl laugh :o))

Sounds like you have been having fun. My son cracks me up there has been many a time when he has said 'Mum, the cats crapped in the bathroom or kitchen floor'.... only for me to go out there and find a great sausage of furball....... lol.

Sorry to hear about Phil's job not going so well...Hope things will pick up for you.
Enjoy your trip to Spain... i know you will.
Have fun
hugs Jayne

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